Yesterday we wrongly reported that David Cameron and Nick Clegg were seen taking one last nostalgic walk through the Downing Street Rose Garden. It turns out our sources were wrong and that Cameron was actually taking Clegg for a walk. We apologise for misinforming our readers.
Free ‘we love Ed’ t-shirts given away in the Daily Mail. The Daily Telegraph, Sun and Daily Mail have urged readers to back Ed Miliband and vote Labour in today’s General Election, we can report. After weeks in which all three papers have attacked the Labour leader, all have run editorials saying they were only…
David Cameron and Nick Clegg have been seen having one last nostalgic stroll through the Downing Street rose garden, it can be reported. Five years on from the very public announcement of their love affair in the Downin St Rose Garden, the pair of privileged English toffs are said to be distraught that things are…
In a sudden change of heart the Daily Express ‘newspaper’ is backing a Green Party surge, ahead of Thursday’s general election. An editorial says the paper backs the party’s anti-austerity agenda and in particular agrees with their concerns about the environment and need for urgent action to address climate change. The editorial states, “The Green…
Nick Clegg has said he’ll carry on pretending to be important, even if he loses his seat on Thursday. Clegg, looking to cling on his Sheffield Hallam seat, has spent the last five years imagining he’s making important decisions and pretending to meet people of note, using the made up title of Deputy Prime Minister.…
Scandal expected to finally give Tories the poll breakthrough they crave. Ed Miliband is such a bastard that he puts empty wrappers back in the Roses tin after he’s eaten a chocolate, it has emerged. The news was released by Tory HQ after a number of polls suggested that a number of people still intend…
Leading national newspapers and broadcasters have launched a desperate appeal for more Scottish clichés and stereotypes after all existing descriptions of Scotland and its inhabitants ran out, we can report. Having induced panic among the population of England with predictions that Scottish hoards wielding fried Mars bars will storm London on 8th May, the press…
‘Fuck Scotland, I’m off to conquer the States’, says excited SNP leader. SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon has said she’ll challenge Hilary Clinton in next years’ US presidential elections, we can reveal. Riding high in the polls in Scotland, many people close to the SNP leader have said she’s become frustrated and feels that she has…
The logic of Scottish people hoping to reduce the likelihood of the Tories winning next week’s general election by voting out Labour MPs north of the border cannot be explained by mankind, we can reveal. The news comes after the world’s leading philosophers and scientists spent weeks trying to work out why a nation of…
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