People in the South of England remain in their annual state of hibernation despite it being spring, it has emerged. Southerners, the only humans on the island of Britain to hibernate each winter continue to stay cocooned within their homes, with the heating on full blast 24 hours a day or in the case of…
Commuters in the North of England are to be given second hand peddle go-karts under a scheme designed by the government to stop hard pressed commuters moaning about how bad the trains in the North are. Whilst the majority of people in the North are too lazy to work, a substantial minority undertake paid work,…
Railway bosses have admitted that they don’t like the general public travelling on their trains and that’s why they keep increasing ticket costs. The news emerged after research showed that fares had risen by 20% since 2010 – considerably higher than wages and inflation. Speaking off the record a railway boss said, “Why won’t people…
David Cameron has said he hopes Britain will be one massive motorway by 2030 following an announcement that the government plans to spend a shitload of money on roads. The motorway will start at John O’ Groats in Scotland and end in Land’s End in Cornwall with junctions every mile and tributary roads linking it…
Britain is set for absolutely miserable weather this winter most national newspapers have said. In well measured articles, a number of newspapers have said the UK will have loads of snow, hail, rain, wind and really cold weather that will last well into April. The weather is expected to be so bad that the whole…
The Government have endorsed plans to build a high speed rail link across the Pennines as long as it never happens. The plans are set out in a report out today which reveals that it currently takes a day and a half to travel between Manchester and Leeds by train. Other less important details, such…
The government is to inject more funding into a project looking into how people in cities such as Sheffield, Newcastle and Leeds get around. It follows an initial piece of research that found that London’s tube system doesn’t extend as far as previously thought. Guy Christian, Director of the think tank Thinkers who undertook the…
A new stagecoach road is to be built across the North of England it has been announced. The government have agreed to fund the £15,000 scheme which will be completed in 2026. Horse drawn vehicles will run along the track with journey times between Manchester and Newcastle cut to just seven days. The announcement comes…
notlondonnews 