Pollsters have admitted that most of their poll results are made up. The news comes after pollsters were questioned as to why voting intention polls for the forthcoming general election are all over the place. A ComRes poll on Monday gave the Conservatives a 4 point lead over Labour. Just hours earlier, a YouGov poll…
Ed Miliband is to give the ancient Kingdom of Northumbria to Scotland in exchange for the SNP’s support in the event of a hung parliament, it has emerged. With official campaigning for the General Election starting today, both the Labour and Conservatives parties are aware that a likely hung parliament will require them to make…
A person from Liverpool has reacted with indifference and a shrug of the shoulders following the publication of a think tank report criticising the city. The indifferent Liverpudlian, Dave Ramsbottom from the Wavertree area, said, “I’m not bothered, I take comments like this in my stride. At the end of the day, comments like this…
Rich bloke speaks out after hearing about a CEO that only earns £250,000 a year. A rich person has shocked the world by saying they probably don’t deserve to have accumulated the wealth they have built up over the course of their lifetime. The person, currently worth £6 billion, has asked that his identity be…
Reeling from heckling and abuse at yesterday’s Age UK conference, an increasingly desperate PM has said he wants to fight the long deceased actress. David Cameron has said that older people are a bunch of ungrateful sods and he wishes he’d cut their pensions in the same way he’s cut the benefits of younger people.…
And former king claims he has never even visited Leicester Richard III has broken his silence over claims that a few bones dug up from under a Leicester car park are his, as the city staged a reburial ceremony. Speaking from his home in Nuneaton, the one time monarch and nephew murderer, now 562 said,…
The Daily Mail has launched a measured, but scathing attack on Labour leader Ed Miliband saying ‘he breathes a bit funny’, and is therefore not fit to be prime minister. In a balanced and considered editorial the newspaper said, “Just look at him, the twat. For Christ’s sake, even the way he breathes is weird.…
The Sun has said he’ll ‘knock out’ the Moon if he moves in front of him again. As tensions mounted between the pair following the eclipse, some compared the argument to David versus Goliath. Speaking to reporters after this morning’s partial eclipse over the British Isles, the Sun said, “He is a cocky little shit.…
People in the South of England remain in their annual state of hibernation despite it being spring, it has emerged. Southerners, the only humans on the island of Britain to hibernate each winter continue to stay cocooned within their homes, with the heating on full blast 24 hours a day or in the case of…
The Conservative Party has taken a 20 point poll leader over nearest rivals UKIP among dead people, who were worth a few bob when they were alive. The poll, commissioned by Death from the Bill and Ted movies, came after David Cameron said he wanted to reform Inheritance Tax so hardly anyone has to pay…
notlondonnews 