In a sudden change of heart the Daily Express ‘newspaper’ is backing a Green Party surge, ahead of Thursday’s general election. An editorial says the paper backs the party’s anti-austerity agenda and in particular agrees with their concerns about the environment and need for urgent action to address climate change. The editorial states, “The Green…
Nick Clegg has said he’ll carry on pretending to be important, even if he loses his seat on Thursday. Clegg, looking to cling on his Sheffield Hallam seat, has spent the last five years imagining he’s making important decisions and pretending to meet people of note, using the made up title of Deputy Prime Minister.…
Scandal expected to finally give Tories the poll breakthrough they crave. Ed Miliband is such a bastard that he puts empty wrappers back in the Roses tin after he’s eaten a chocolate, it has emerged. The news was released by Tory HQ after a number of polls suggested that a number of people still intend…
Leading national newspapers and broadcasters have launched a desperate appeal for more Scottish clichés and stereotypes after all existing descriptions of Scotland and its inhabitants ran out, we can report. Having induced panic among the population of England with predictions that Scottish hoards wielding fried Mars bars will storm London on 8th May, the press…
‘Fuck Scotland, I’m off to conquer the States’, says excited SNP leader. SNP leader Nicola Sturgeon has said she’ll challenge Hilary Clinton in next years’ US presidential elections, we can reveal. Riding high in the polls in Scotland, many people close to the SNP leader have said she’s become frustrated and feels that she has…
The logic of Scottish people hoping to reduce the likelihood of the Tories winning next week’s general election by voting out Labour MPs north of the border cannot be explained by mankind, we can reveal. The news comes after the world’s leading philosophers and scientists spent weeks trying to work out why a nation of…
Editors of the Daily Mail’s online website have banned any content relating to the UK’s general election as it isn’t titillating enough, it has been revealed. A Mail insider spoke exclusively to Not London News saying, “there’s no way we’re going to distract our readers from pictures of a scantily clad Kim Kardashian by reporting…
Alexander and his friends were searching for treasure using a Spanish treasure map they found in the attic. Lib Dem Treasury spokesperson Danny Alexander has revealed he accidently stumbled across his backbone last night. The Beaker lookalike, who has revealed Tory plans to cut Child Benefit in today’s Guardian, says he misplaced his backbone about…
In terms that reminded this hard-bitten news reporter of the last days of Hanoi, the political leader of the Conservative party yesterday abandoned any carefully-planned strategy the party had briefly engaged in during this Election and adopted the desperate last-gasp gambit of offering a quickie to passersby in return for their vote. We asked Dave Ramsbottom for…
Morale at the some time fascist loving Daily Mail newspaper is said to be at rock bottom amid reports that journalists are exhausted by efforts to undermine Labour leader Ed Miliband. Working in a purpose built sweatshop in which Mail journalists have to produce 4000 words of copy slagging off the Labour leader per hour, a leaked…
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